i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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