she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
