She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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