I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
