I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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