its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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