My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
