Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
