His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize