They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
