I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Randomize
