I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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