I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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