did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
