Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
