no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
