Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Randomize
