My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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