I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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