I'm so fucking centered right now
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
