you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
