He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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