Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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