John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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