I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
so much tequila, so little girl.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
