Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
They took my balls.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
