Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
