His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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