Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
