I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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