she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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