maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
