I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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