There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
