I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I deserve this hangover.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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