Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
