omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
