he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
