he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
