Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
foreskin is a definite game changer
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
