tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
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