I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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