You really coming over, don't trick.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
