Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
