im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
