Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
