Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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