Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
