Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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