I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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