I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
