This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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