you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
