I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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